Cha Ching!

whew it's been a while.

2009-05-21T23:21:02Z

Hello sapiens,
:)
im still on "punishment" or whatever. Mom looked at my myspace and found some dirty messages. oops.
anyway, now im in counseling and resticted from the computer.[she isnt home right now.]
MY MARINE BROTHER JUSTIN IS HERE!!! he looks fabulous:)lol!
the last day of school is tomorrow, then sophmore year can suck it.
<<<<<this is justin and cameron:)

a short poem also i wrote while sitting bored in church:

I am not like my father, and i am not like a man,
but i am like the woman whose holding my hand
she is more than a late night, shes my very best friend
we believe in the thing that keeps us on our toes, always on our toes
everyone who sees us knows, leviticus is as leviticus goes
when the day comes that change is eminent, or that sheer willpower isnt enough,
maybe we can find peace in each other, the kind that closes arms
the kid that causes the most alarm, but not the least of harm.
And she is like a tapestry, a thousand shades of red,
it bleeds out on my bed, it bleeds into my head,words bleed onto my tounge
then forever go unsaid.
I am not like my father, and i am not like a man, even if i were, i wouldnt understand
how one mind controls several thousand bodies, this is woman, this is man,
See the sky and see the sand, Im buried 6 feet below your hands,
below your office buildings tall, even when you know i could take away it all, all of it away
your posistion and proposition so predictably in place
Is it so unlike love to leave us emptyhanded? our emotions slightly tampered,
but our hearts forever branded
So what is this love that we cannot walk away from?
Some will call it my damnation, taken into consideration,
i still dont know why a world full of so much hate
can walk in three hours late,
hear one side of the debate,
then decide, they are forming the antiside,
"we refuse what we cant materialize, sexualize"
If i am not like my father, and im not like a man,
then i wish someone could tell mewhats forcing my to stand
on this end of the phone, this end of a battle that is much too well known
i will state for the sake of these states of forgiveness that i never stopped loving anybody,
and just becasue they walked out on my doesn't mean my heart is heavy
Heres my offering of suffering, if it wasnt suffering in me.

jess_rhea @ 2009-03-23T15:17:00

2009-03-23T20:19:39Z

When all the energy ran out of me around noontime today
when the bell sounded and feet moved shuffling
and i moved slower than the rest.
When the house was dark and the grass cut clean straight on
who cut the grass so clean?
I folded myself, and held myself for hours and days and days
Mother said, "dinner time" and "lets play cards"
but my hands were vieny and cracked
and i couldnt pick up one single card
right back to my hovel i stayed for 2 more days
THen the scary things began to occur
a sister never born
the pain seeped through the window crack
lines and vines and crawling bugs
it seeped into my pores and crammed into my eyesores
and bore into my eyeballs and glazed over my eyelids
do you get it?
would you get it if i slept on my stomach tonight?
it's not fair or kind, nice, or smart, and
everybody knows
Nobody can cry like I can cry.

march something.

2009-03-17T22:49:07Z

I went to the mall after school today and I am surprised at myself for buying shoes-finally.
I DIDNT EVEN NEED THEM. but they spoke to me ..."buy us buy us buy us..."
so i was like, what the heck, they need a mom.
anyway, I'mwearing them now.but that beside the point.
my best friend garret is like being such a chick right now. he's like, "why dont you ever call me anymore?"
so im like,"suck it up im going to see you in like 2 days".
It's exam week! ive been bored all week so far and nothing eventful has happened,really.except that i made a new friend. her name is katie and shes got like, wildly red hair and white skin. shes really pretty.
tomorrow is wednesday and i dont want to go to church! we sit there for 2 whole hours and the youth leaders make you feel really uncomfortable and on the spot when you have to pee[WHICH I ALWAYS HAVE TO PEE BUT IT'S NOT MY FAULT THAT I HAVE URINARY MALFUNCTIONS!] but the people there are so beautiful. i was reading in "the odyssey" about the sirens that lure you to your death with their beauty and son, and it reminded me of the people at that church. they are the only reason i go there. plus, they are all very musically inclined.
anywhoo. That was my day--or week in a nutshell. and it's only tuesday.haa.

ps. i get to see my brother justin in a month!
i will include pics of him later.=]

Hope it Rains.

2009-03-14T01:36:20Z

Starting out, it was alright
I went to work,grocery shopping
bought all the foods you used to eat
I didn't even realize

I smiled and waved at strangers
The drive home was nice
told myself to stop bythe post office
everything felt right

It wasn't 'till the door came open
the house was quiet like always
I keep the blinds closed all the time
God, you loved the sunshine

One more mason jar to add to my collection
I feel the tears, but I can't fight them now
I keep the blinds closed forever
God, you were the one

Could I really pack up the car again,
drive myself away?
Do I have the strength-or fear- to hurt myself this way?

I hope it rains
I'm begging for a pour
If i'm lucky, it will drown the roar
of your voice in my head

life is sometimes unexpected
good stuff happens when when were not ready
with closed blinds, I can't see the light
the ruthless morning meets my face

I take notes of what triggers me,
writing scribbles on my arms
I've never know that one lone love
could deal me so much harm

I hope it rains
I'm begging for a pour
If i'm lucky, it will drown the roar
of your voice in my head